It could be in the form of expecting that our own family members should be a source of our refuge and strength, it could also be in the idea that a partner in life in the future will help us ease whatever pain we have inside.
Some expect a certain institution to carry them through life, a certain group of friends to help them whenever they are in a slump..
But what if all of this factors fail you? what if everything that you hold dear in your heart prove to be useless altogether and you are left alone to deal with the entire problem.
What if everything you hold to be true crumbles and you are left to deal with reality on your own.
I was forced to understand a world that holds no promises of support or guidance from other people just myself.
There are many of us, who come from broken families, who don't have a loving or kind mother, we don't have a responsible father who thinks of how or what will become of their children when they grow old.
There are some of us who don't have responsible brothers to guide them through life-- and there are some of us who are constantly exposed to failures and pain-
There are some of us who never get to have this prince charming who sweep us off our feet, or at least someone who will just give a pat on the shoulder and tell us they will be there- there are certain scenarios like this but should it mean the end of the world?
I have tried to understand and reflect on this, the first reaction that I had was to blame other people for whatever I was suffering from, the constant drama that life is offering me.
Not all of us have fairy tale families, not all of us are supported by parents- there are some of us abandoned and left to care for ourselves- there are some of us who learn the value of self preservation- the value of dealing with ourselves when the rest of the world walked out on us.
After discovering that no one has got your back..does it mean you have to crumble? Should it mean giving up? Surely people still succeed despite factors that are not working for them.
Others have perceived me as a cold individual who they say don't' know how to love- they have perceived me to be cold and unloving because I no longer want to get married or have children.
It is an act of selfishness for them to want to be alone and just fix myself and my life. But isn't that the solution for most of the life problems that we have right now.
I wanted to fix myself first, to discover my strengths and weakness- I want to be financially stable before I get into any problem I can't fix and I want to deal with my loneliness alone- I don't want another person to take on the problems I have- I want to resolve it on my own- I want to reduce the pain that is being created daily- by dealing with myself first.
It is not that I do not love- I just want to learn to love myself first so that I can learn how to love without getting addicted- to get addicted means to become helpless- to become helpless means to cling and to cling means to destroy someone you wanted to love in the first place.
You will always want more from them, because you can no longer produce the feelings of completeness within.
This has always been our problem-- this is our greatest problem as humans- we want love but do not wish to reflect on how this wanting of love destroys the other- the wanting of security, the need to be given a sense of security- the need to be guided, the need to be saved--what we don't understand is that if it is love--you don't need security- love has no insecurities, if it is love then no one needs to be saved, love itself is the saving force.
The problem in here is that we have become a masochistic and sadistic society- we don't know how to interpret love- we just expect it to involve pain and inflicting of pain.
The responsibility of fixing myself is my duty, this is not something that my parents must fix, this is not something a boyfriend or girlfriend must attend to.
My inner problems is mine to resolve. If we are going to live our lives depending that other people will fulfill this role- how will we survive?
Will we spend the rest of our lives being the victim of our circumstances?or will we choose to own up to our own happiness.
People will walk away, but they will also come uninvited. You can choose to let them in- but you must never at any circumstance expect them to do the job of making you whole.
Because if you do, the partnership becomes an addiction, the feelings of helplessness arise. Your joy will always be in another person's hand-
Once this people fail you- you will be left searching for another person to fill the void- but the void never gets filled- the more you search for people to do your job for you- the more the void becomes bigger.
I believe we can solve a lot of problems in this world-- if we start acknowledging that it is our main duty to make ourselves happy- to never place it on somebody else's ability to make us smile.
A lot of people seem to believe it is the duty of other people to rescue them from what they feel. They believe it is the duty of the world to cater to them and to lift them up- all they see is injustice- and they want to feed off other people's energy because they can't face their own life.
Most of the problems that we have come from dysfunctional families- we tend to hurt more people in the process because we don't know how to be with ourselves- we don't know how to be alone- we are always expecting some relationship to pull us together and when it does not help us achieve who we are meant to be- we continue to create more relationships that tend to create more unwanted children.
A lot of women get into a relationship, even before they understand who they are. And while some women survive and become better individuals after the pain of horrific relationships, there are those who never learn- there are those who repeat the cycle and continue to engage in unhealthy relationship patterns- and this is where society breaks.
This is where self-entitlement is created- we feel entitled- entitled to hurt other people because they cannot provide us what we have been searching for. We feel entitled to demand, we feel entitled to destroy- we feel entitled because we believe it is someone else's duty to solve us--
Despite our technological advances we have not learned to do away with this self-entitled- we still believe the world owes us something- we still feel we are the victims and we still won't own up to the happiness that we ourselves can stop- if we can only choose to process our self the right way.
Love yourself- and the rest will become easier- and when I say love yourself- Love yourself completely.
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